Wow, this is such clear-eyed and perceptive writing! Your child is very lucky to have such an emotionally intelligent mother. Also playing with children is a boring pain in the arse - I can’t even LOOK at Connect 4 these days
i also cannot play lego for hours. i feel much more connected now they are teens and we talk and muck about together in a way that i honestly do prefer to Paw Patrol. They're all taller than me now and I truly love them as their own beings these days, and i don't miss the double buggy plus baby in sling days. xxxx
'We are unfinished' felt that one in my gut - and also watching with both terror and amazement at the forty something me doing the thing. Or not as the case may be. I heard my mother's voice coming directly out of my mouth today when I lost my temper with my son and took my breath away. Thank you, as always for your audacious honestly. I am often in awe of it and you x
Cara thank you so much for this! God it’s a confusing and challenging and beautiful thing to parent, isn’t it - sending love. You are doing brilliantly xxx
Counterpoint, darling: being good enough at everything is a truly exceptional level.
I have had the same thoughts on most of this at different times, in a different order (I'm getting the, "So you're just printing a bunch of books? Oh, you've got a publisher!?" conversations now).
I can't tell you how much I related to this. We're the same age and it sounds like our kids are the same age, too - and ah, the constant feeling of craving freedom but craving their warm little hugs. It's messy and complex and incredible but also mundane and frustrating and I'm hoping - maybe learning - that that's ok. You sound like you're doing brilliantly. X
Oh so much in there that chimes so hard with me! I came to you through Salima, who I found through Cariad Lloyd, and having only just been brave enough to start writing again myself (and in public on here 😬) this post couldn't have come at a better time. I have never been a good enough parent, didn't actually want children until a hormonal 30th birthday, following the death of my father in law, and always defined myself by my old "proper" job as a writer/editor. Now I am floundering after the loss of my main freelance contract (12 years), working with my best friend, and back on the market, not knowing who I am any more. I am now subscribing to you, seeking out more of your work, and saving this post for future me (who also thanks you, and says everything will be alright, even though she knows I don't belive her), so I can reread for reassurance when I am back in bed feeling like I can't get out.
Charlotte it sounds like you have an enormous amount of change and uncertainty in your life 💔 I’m sure you are a good mum, I have been reminded since posting this that being diligent enough to care means we are probably doing fine. There is a new you emerging, be gentle with yourself, and always ask yourself what you would say to another woman in your situation, because it will be far more compassionate than your current narrative xxx
Wow, this is such clear-eyed and perceptive writing! Your child is very lucky to have such an emotionally intelligent mother. Also playing with children is a boring pain in the arse - I can’t even LOOK at Connect 4 these days
Thank you so much! Not even got to the Connect 4 stage, can’t wait 😂
My advice is just let them win and stare at the carpet a lot
😂
i also cannot play lego for hours. i feel much more connected now they are teens and we talk and muck about together in a way that i honestly do prefer to Paw Patrol. They're all taller than me now and I truly love them as their own beings these days, and i don't miss the double buggy plus baby in sling days. xxxx
'We are unfinished' felt that one in my gut - and also watching with both terror and amazement at the forty something me doing the thing. Or not as the case may be. I heard my mother's voice coming directly out of my mouth today when I lost my temper with my son and took my breath away. Thank you, as always for your audacious honestly. I am often in awe of it and you x
Cara thank you so much for this! God it’s a confusing and challenging and beautiful thing to parent, isn’t it - sending love. You are doing brilliantly xxx
Counterpoint, darling: being good enough at everything is a truly exceptional level.
I have had the same thoughts on most of this at different times, in a different order (I'm getting the, "So you're just printing a bunch of books? Oh, you've got a publisher!?" conversations now).
And yes, Sorry, Baby is my fave film of 2025.
So excited for your publication dear Raz xxx
I can't tell you how much I related to this. We're the same age and it sounds like our kids are the same age, too - and ah, the constant feeling of craving freedom but craving their warm little hugs. It's messy and complex and incredible but also mundane and frustrating and I'm hoping - maybe learning - that that's ok. You sound like you're doing brilliantly. X
Thank you so much Nicola! I so appreciate this 🩷
Oh so much in there that chimes so hard with me! I came to you through Salima, who I found through Cariad Lloyd, and having only just been brave enough to start writing again myself (and in public on here 😬) this post couldn't have come at a better time. I have never been a good enough parent, didn't actually want children until a hormonal 30th birthday, following the death of my father in law, and always defined myself by my old "proper" job as a writer/editor. Now I am floundering after the loss of my main freelance contract (12 years), working with my best friend, and back on the market, not knowing who I am any more. I am now subscribing to you, seeking out more of your work, and saving this post for future me (who also thanks you, and says everything will be alright, even though she knows I don't belive her), so I can reread for reassurance when I am back in bed feeling like I can't get out.
Charlotte it sounds like you have an enormous amount of change and uncertainty in your life 💔 I’m sure you are a good mum, I have been reminded since posting this that being diligent enough to care means we are probably doing fine. There is a new you emerging, be gentle with yourself, and always ask yourself what you would say to another woman in your situation, because it will be far more compassionate than your current narrative xxx
🫶🏻🥰